20 Best Status Updates, Facebook Grammar, and Dog Mail

This weeks best statuses, share some…

Best Facebook Status Updates:

  1. Ever get mad at your great great great grandparents for not buying a town when they cost 30 cents?
  2. The awkward moment when you realize that every house has a particular smell, but you can’t smell the one at your house.
  3. My favorite colors are Grey Goose & Red Bull.
  4. I wonder what it is that I did to get reincarnated as me.
  5. Just so you know, I’m the guy standing behind you in the Express Check Out lane, counting the number of items you have out loud.
  6. Debt Ceiling Solved. America pre-approved for a MasterCard! (29.9% APR)
  7. I sleep naked so if there’s some sort of emergency I immediately make it sexy.
  8. You think you’re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone else’s shower.
  9. Why do people say “grow some balls?”.. Balls are weak and sensitive, if you wanna get tough, grow a vagina. Those things take a pounding….
  10. Do I know any jokes about Sodium Hypobromite? NaBrO
  11. Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like “Please don’t stay long!” or “I hope you brought booze.”
  12. Old people study the shit out of receipts.
  13. Women love shoes over clothing, because no matter how much weight they gain, the shoe still fits.
  14. I love how the Smurfs have made it acceptable to tell a cop “What the Smurf! There’s no Smurfin way I was going that fast. Smurf you!”
  15. Words. They can arouse. They can make you laugh, and make you cry. But if you find the one who can heal you with words, never let them go.
  16. Beautiful people and ugly people basically look the same by 80. So hang in there uglies.
  17. Of all the lies I tell, “I was just kidding!” is my favorite.
  18. Dear people who own pickup trucks: stop acting like you don’t enjoy the attention you get from people who need to borrow your pickup trucks. Sincerely, I’m moving this weekend.
  19. Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.
  20. No matter how early you go to sleep you’re still gonna be tired when you wake up.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | Free Timeline Covers

Facebook Grammar Lesson:

Facebook Grammar


Facebook grammar lessons that everyone can appreciate 🙂 Post to your newsfeed and watch the likes pour in.



Wish my dog got the mail for me! Share this epic golden retriever with your Facebook friends 🙂

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