This weeks best statuses, share some…
Best Facebook Status Updates:
- Ever get mad at your great great great grandparents for not buying a town when they cost 30 cents?
- The awkward moment when you realize that every house has a particular smell, but you can’t smell the one at your house.
- My favorite colors are Grey Goose & Red Bull.
- I wonder what it is that I did to get reincarnated as me.
- Just so you know, I’m the guy standing behind you in the Express Check Out lane, counting the number of items you have out loud.
- Debt Ceiling Solved. America pre-approved for a MasterCard! (29.9% APR)
- I sleep naked so if there’s some sort of emergency I immediately make it sexy.
- You think you’re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone else’s shower.
- Why do people say “grow some balls?”.. Balls are weak and sensitive, if you wanna get tough, grow a vagina. Those things take a pounding….
- Do I know any jokes about Sodium Hypobromite? NaBrO
- Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like “Please don’t stay long!” or “I hope you brought booze.”
- Old people study the shit out of receipts.
- Women love shoes over clothing, because no matter how much weight they gain, the shoe still fits.
- I love how the Smurfs have made it acceptable to tell a cop “What the Smurf! There’s no Smurfin way I was going that fast. Smurf you!”
- Words. They can arouse. They can make you laugh, and make you cry. But if you find the one who can heal you with words, never let them go.
- Beautiful people and ugly people basically look the same by 80. So hang in there uglies.
- Of all the lies I tell, “I was just kidding!” is my favorite.
- Dear people who own pickup trucks: stop acting like you don’t enjoy the attention you get from people who need to borrow your pickup trucks. Sincerely, I’m moving this weekend.
- Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.
- No matter how early you go to sleep you’re still gonna be tired when you wake up.
Facebook Grammar Lesson:
Facebook grammar lessons that everyone can appreciate 🙂 Post to your newsfeed and watch the likes pour in.
One AWESOME Dog:
Wish my dog got the mail for me! Share this epic golden retriever with your Facebook friends 🙂