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15 Never Miss Facebook Statuses:
- Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
- Mom: Don’t eat the cookies yet, they just came out of the oven and are too hot.
Me: Fire cannot kill a dragon.
- Oh, you’re 15 and your boyfriend broke up with you? Please elaborate on how devastating and ruined your life is.
- I ALWAYS GET SO NERVOUS WHEN PEOPLE STOP REPLYING TO ME ITS LIKE DID I SAY SOMETHING WRONG DID I SCARE THEM AWAY DID I OFFEND U IM SO SORRY
- Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
- My wife called me a child. I told her, be careful who you’re calling a child because if I’m a child, that makes you a pedophile. And I’ll be damned if I’m gonna sit here and get lectured by a pervert.
- Kids these days are spoiled. iPads, smart phones, video games, etc. But they’ll never know the joy of putting an Ozzy Osborne cassette tape in a Teddy Ruxpin.
- It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
- Lazy fact #163275463190209857: you were too lazy to read that number.
- Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out every-time you speak.
- My wife and I only disagree on the small things, like the importance of my happiness and whether anything I say matters.
- There is a fine line between “important to me” and “dead to me.” Don’t walk it.
- If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
- Some days I just feel like I’d be better off if I hadn’t gotten out of bed. I call those days “everyday.”
- When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
Can I plz haz sum food???
Blind Dog Plays Fetch…
Beautiful, what an amazing pooch! Share if you <3 dogs!