Dancing Kid, Tacos, and Thoughtful Status Updates

Make someones day, share one of these…

Thoughtful Facebook Status Updates:

1. I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
2. That moment when you finish a book, look around, and realize that everyone is just carrying on with their lives… As though you didn’t just experience emotional trauma at the hands of a paperback.
3. Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions.
4. Your stomach thinks all potato is mashed.
5. I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
6. The sinking of the Titanic must have been a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen.
7. Just another day of not being rich and famous.
8. When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
9. I didn’t exist in your world until you started reading this sentence of mine.
10. If your shirt isn’t tucked into your pants, then your pants are tucked into your shirt.
11. Childbirth is a literal emergency.
12. A mullet will make you a redneck but also prevent you from getting one.
13. We will never hear about the truly perfect crime, and that saddens me.
14. The word “Fat” just looks like someone took a bite out of the word “Eat.”
15. If you aren’t enjoying the path to your destination, reroute. Life is hard enough. Enjoy the ride.
16. The only time the word incorrectly isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly.
17. Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
18. When you say the word “crisp,” it moves from the back of your mouth to the front as you say it.
19. Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
20. Why do we “bake” cookies but “cook” bacon? Real eyes realize real lies.

Yesterdays Status Updates…