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20 Great Facebook Status Updates:
- I don’t think it’s a coincidence that “morning” and “mourning” sound the same…
- Before calling me, ask yourself, “Is this textable?”
- LIFE HACK: You literally don’t have to be friends with people you don’t like.
- *texts back 6 weeks later* sorry I fell asleep
- It’s kinda scary when you waste an entire day doing nothing and time just passes.
- Sometimes I wish I was full of tacos instead of emotions.
- I love sleep because it’s a Time Machine to Breakfast.
- Some people should come with subtitles.
- The uglier I look around you, the closer friends we are.
- “OK we HAVE to stop eating this.”
*takes one more bite* - Every morning that isn’t Saturday morning makes me want to cry.
- Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
- Home is where your mom is.
- There’s only one thing better than the cutest cat in the world. Literally any dog.
- Gotta run to Target. See you in about half my paycheck.
- That horrible feeling you get when you’re not asleep anymore.
- If you hear someone sing Jingle Bells and you don’t respond with Batman smells then I don’t wanna be friends with you.
- 1. Buy groceries. 2. Overeat. 3. Eat all groceries in 4 days. 4. Starve for two weeks. 5. Repeat.
- The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
- How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?
Witty Status | Yesterdays Status Updates…
Dog Can Walk Again, Thanks To 3D Printing…
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRmoowIN8aY[/youtube]
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