DollarFish, Starving Writers, & Funny Statuses

• Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to act like one. (From our Funny Status Updates iPhone App ★★★★★)
• Dishwashers should have windows.
• Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
• Visa is everywhere you want to be…except out of debt.
• “I don’t feel like it,” should be an acceptable, no questions asked, excuse for anything.
• That awkward moment when someone isn’t txting you back and then you see them update their status from mobile…
• What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
• “I can neither confirm or deny…” In my book, that’s a yes.
• Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ‘Y’ becomes silent.
• The awkward moment when you make eye contact with someone while eating a banana.
• They really need to add a “download this song illegally” button on Pandora.
• Constipated people don’t give a crap.
• If I eat my entire  Ice Cream in the car before I get home, it’s basically like it never happened.
• A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything, except office.
• You know you’re invisible when the automatic faucet rejects you. (From our Twitter:@FreeFunnyStuff)
• If vegetarians eat only vegetables, what about humanitarians?

Thousands More Funny Status Updates…