Funny Facebook Status Updates

Funny Facebook Status update

If you are looking for a funny facebook status update then you came to the right place!  We have plenty of hilarious ideas for your facebook status that will leave your friends rolling on the floor with laughter.  This constantly evolving list will make your friends wonder where you get all that amazing wit from.

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  • too cool for school.
  • constantly evolving.
  • intelligently designing.
  • the dude, playing the dude, disguised as another dude.
  • a day late and a dollar short.
  • eating a PB&J sammich.
  • the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
  • trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
  • flossing with angel hair pasta.
  • creatively disabled currently.
  • preparing for a meeting with Chuck Norris.  What should I WEAR??!?!
  • watching some dude and some chick fight to tell someone else what not to wear.
  • definitely not watching what not to wear.
  • definitely not watching oprah.
  • selling my roomates $hit on eBay.
  • forcing my dog to learn how to google.
  • teaching the cat how to be a ninja.
  • about to mail my check for $1500 to nigeria for the $15million lottery i just won! Cya later SUCKAS!!
  • watching every matrix followed by every star wars followed by every LOTR. Which incidentally adds up to exactly 24hours.
  • snail mailing a snail.  Just to say I did it.
  • sexual healing.
  • eating pizza but not the italian kind.. the taco bell kind.
  • one day older than I was yesterday.
  • crying for no particular reason other than the fact that my cat spontaneously combusted!
  • happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
  • kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
  • mediocre at best.


  • zero tolerance for lactose intolerance.
  • > $20 in my bank acct.  Drinks on you homie.
  • 20/20 hearing!
  • a giant hangover octopus stuck to my head.
  • run out of time on my parking meter.
  • google’d and google’d until my little paws hurt.
  • ninety nine problems however, a biotch is not currently one.  (this can coincide with a recent “in a relationship)
  • just added a friend I don’t even know.
  • noticed your mother has been calling me a lot, wondering whats that about?
  • just bought a cadillac, throwing some D’s on that bitch.
  • actually won the nigerian lottery!
  • puked more than twice today.
  • sold the dudes car who keep parking in my spot on eBay.  SUCKA!!!
  • made my car into a hybrid by siphoning gas out of your tank.
  • noticed that your looking a little fat lately, you should really do something about that.
  • seen pictures of you naked on the internet.


  • asleep until you just called me… ass!
  • watching football when it just hit me, football is extremely gay.
  • dancing with the stars.
  • drunk dialing but luckily my mom stopped me. Thanks MADD (motha’s against drunk dialing)
  • googling pop tarts. God I LOVE POP TARTS!
  • snorting salt… Don’t, it stings.
  • watching 2girls1cup and now i am puking.
  • scouring youtube for the naked videos that somehow make it through.
  • listening to the latest britney spears record……..  i mean… definately not listening to britney spears.

Come back often for updated facebook status updates!  And, feel free to look around the rest of the website, we got tons of crap you could probably use!

***Want More?  Download our iPhone / iPod App for 5000+ Categorized Funny Status Updates & Useful Tools!***