Tuesday’s Hilarious Status Updates.

Welcome back friends!  Hope everyone had a great holiday weekend.  Here are some hilarious status updates for Tuesday to help get you through the short week…

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Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

• I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
• “America did not invent human rights. In a very real sense human rights invented America.” – Jimmy Carter
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
• I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she’s interested in… she said “check books”.  (from our FB Fan Page)
• Women are the only people I know who can go out broke and come home drunk.
• I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
• I talk to myself a lot. it bothers people, though, because I use a megaphone.