Hey, at least it’s almost Friday, make someone smile share one of these…
Top 20 Daily Status Updates:
- I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit a better argument than that.
- When all is said and done, there’s always someone who’s still talking.
- “I want to be inside you.” – me, to my bed
- Someone’s going to ruin things; it might as well be me.
- Kanye West should buy YouTube ads that play before Taylor Swift’s songs.
- Is chocolate a food group? Because I’ve got that covered.
- Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on adult videos.
- If you lie on the ground on your back, it’s like the world is your backpack and you’re carrying it through space.
- It’s shocking how many times I’ve pretended to be asleep just to get out of doing something.
- The weekend is so close I can taste the bad choices!
- If I’m weird around you, it probably means we are too close.
- Imagine a cell phone that’s hard wired to your wall and all you can do is talk on it.
- [Job Interview] “Do you have any questions?”
How do they get those tiny ships inside glass bottles?
- Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
- When I was a kid I used to prioritize having a cool ringtone. Now I just keep my phone on silent..
- I used to be scared of dentists because of the pain, now I’m scared of dentists because of the cost.
- Using your smartphone to research your next smartphone is like asking your girlfriend which of her friends you should date next.
- Today is today’s birthday.
- What if after you die God asks you – “So how was heaven?”
- If you are bored you should start studying because you will immediately find something more amusing to do.
Big Brother gets Big Surprise..
OK that was hilarious! A little gross but mostly hilarious. Feel free to like/share if you’d like.