★★★ Another (15) Great Status Updates for Facebook ★★★

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We’ve tallied up the funniest status updates of today and here are some of the best:

Funny Facebook Status Updates:

  1. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. (Courtesy of our Funny Status Updates iPhone App ★★★★★)
  2. Where do I see myself in 5 years? I would hope in a hologram but it will probably still be in the mirror. Stupid scientists.
  3. I’m always careful to get something every day from the four basic food groups: canned, frozen, fast and takeout.
  4. Not feeling in touch with my emoticons.
  5. The key to knowing when to panic, is to start moments after someone says ‘OK, don’t panic’.
  6. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  7. Bin Laden’s fate was SEAL’d! ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
  8. I have high double standards.
  10. They should have captured Bin Laden alive and made him continually go through airport security for the rest of his life.
  11. Take my advice: I don’t use it anyway.
  12. I flirted with disaster last night. Now disaster won’t stop texting me.
  13. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  14. I have an athlete’s ability trapped in a dumpster’s body. (VIA our Tweeter:@FreeFunnyStuff )
  15. Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?

“Feel Good” Status of the Day: Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of these.

REVEALED! THE IDENTITY OF THE AGENT WHO TOOK DOWN BIN LADEN!

Osama Bin Laden Meme

Climbin in yo mansion, shootin yo leader up. (Source: imgur)

Funny Video to Post:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6uiHLP9QBc[/youtube]

Now that is what I call POLE Dancing!  Post that on your Facebook profile page and watch the comments / likes roll right in from all your FB Friends.

Want more funny status updates, hilarious pics, and epic videos?  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus where you can submit statuses and vote on them!

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