Make yourself the local Facebook celebrity by posting these…
Funny Status Updates:
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A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
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The best person for a job is generally the one that understands it enough to not want it. (Courtesy of our Funny Status Updates iPhone App ★★★★★)
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Every man needs a wife, because many things go wrong that he can’t blame on the government.
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Dr: “Why so nervous?” Patient: “This is my first operation.” Dr: “Really? Mine too!”
- I’ve perfected my beauty regimen. Drink six martinis before looking in the mirror.
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How do you get a redhead to argue with you? Say something.
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I went outside once….. Graphics were good but gameplay sucked. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
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Don’t criticize your wife…if she were perfect, she would have married much better than you.
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Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?
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I ran into my ex the other day, hit reverse, and ran into him again.
- To make a lot of money is my one goal in life. Turns out my laziness and lack of ambition is a really good goalie.
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Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
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Success comes in cans…Failure comes in can’ts.
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Consultant: Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date.
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Everything is edible, some things are only edible once. (VIA:@FreeFunnyStuff )
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Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.
Quote of the day: The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. Mark Twain
Make Trash Day Fun Again:
Your Facebook friends who are fans of R2D2 will appreciate that one…. which is probably 1 out of every 2 ppl on FB.
Super agressive Subway Shoe Licker:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-1lao5UUac[/youtube]
I don’t always lick shoes, but, when I do, I lick them aggressively on the subway.
Need more funny statuses, silly pics, and awesome videos? “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus where you can submit statuses and vote on them!
