NO Make-Up On, Puppy Crisis, & Awesome Status Updates

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Awesome Statuses for Facebook:

LIKE IF you put things in a safe place and then forget where the safe place is ツ ( Funny Status iPhone App ★★★★★)
OK, but where in the world is Carmen San Diego?
We can talk to astronauts in space, but we can’t get phone reception inside elevators.
When I hear myself eating crunchy food, I wonder if people can hear it too.
“I’m proud of my life and the things that I’ve done. Proud of myself and the loner I’ve become.” – Say Anything
Homeless sign: “I bet you can’t hit me with a quarter.”
I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I’ve stalked you on the internet.
I could be a morning person….if morning happened around noon. (Source: FunnyStatus Fan Page )
Anybody remember when phones were just for talking?
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
Rain + Comfortable bed = Impossible to wake up.
You say I blacked out, I say teleportation.
Never respond to negativity or ignorance, it’s not even worth your time.
Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.
Who else thinks there are secret cameras in their house?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 LIKE if you found the mitsake.
I hate math, but I love counting money. (VIA Twitter: @FreeFunnyStuff )
You copied me and you got a higher grade. What the hell?