Motivation, Soccer Dogs, and Hilarious Status Updates

IF these don’t make you laugh, there’s something wrong with you…

Hilarious Status Updates for Facebook:

  1. Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
  2. When things don’t add up in your life, start subtracting.
  3. My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
  4. I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
  5. What the USA government needs is a department of common sense.
  6. At this point, I’ll date anyone who fully understands the difference between “your” and “you’re”
  7. Don’t get me wrong, I respect the Amish. What I really wonder is what invention a long time ago caused an entire group of people to go “No! No more technology for us.”
  8. The doctor advised me not to lift heavy things.. so I have to sit on the toilet to pee now.
  9. I have a new sponge in the sink and it just brightened my day a little. Being an adult is stupid.
  10. Girls on Facebook: “getting Starbucks with jenny!” 2 minutes later: 141 pictures and 6 videos uploaded.
  11. There’s no way that Cinderella was treated like crap her entire life, then a prince tells her he loves her & she wasn’t like “yeah right.”
  12. I hate waiting in lines. I wish this lady would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
  13. Wives are funny creatures. They won’t have sex with their husbands for weeks but then they want to kill the first woman who does.
  14. Highways need 4 lanes per side- A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a “where in the hell am I?” lane.
  15. Dear Windshield Wipers, Can’t Touch this. Sincerely, The Little Triangle.
  16. I think my smart phone is broken. I pressed my home button but I’m still at work. 🙁
  17. That awkward moment when you say “it’s definitely not there, I checked three times!!!” and then it magically appears there.
  18. My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
  19. If you want to call into work sick: use the excuse that you have explosive diarrhea… I guarantee they won’t ask any more questions…
  20. I only check my Voicemail to get rid of that little icon on the screen.

Yesterdays Status Updates…


Motivation to get in shape.


Good point. No excuses! Time to get healthy!

Two Dogs Adorably Interrupt a Soccer Game:


Too cute! Poor little guys just want to have fun 🙂 IF you want to have fun, you’ll share this video on your newsfeed for instant celebrity status 😉

Lots more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App. Have a great weekend, we’ll see you on Sunday for a Superbowl Status Update Special!