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Best Facebook Status Updates this week:
- I’m constantly looking at my phone like it has the answers to all life’s problems.
- Love in 2013 means answering each other’s texts immediately.
- Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
- I think if my phone were to say “I’m dying” 🙁 with a sad face I would rush faster to the charger.
- Smith and Johnson are the two most common last names in US. So when you go to the bar, make sure you try putting drinks on those tabs first.
- Not sure how to feel about always being the one asked to take the family group photo.
- Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, she’s under a blanket.”
- If you watch Godzilla backwards its about a dinosaur who passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.
- The faster I type in my password, the more secret agenty I feel.
- When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
- Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
- Sanity is the art of concealing your insanity.
- The awkward moment when you mess up on a word while you’re yelling at someone.
- I’ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn’t just put the dots in shape of the actual letters.
- The most hated person in any workplace is the one who controls the thermostat setting.
- I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
- If you’re out somewhere and can’t find your wife or girlfriend and you’re ready to go, start talking to the hottest chick there and she’ll find you immediately.
- Whenever I get sad I just imagine a T-Rex trying to put a hat on.
- My wife thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m awesome because I have the bread.
- When you were in elementary school, looking up the word “sex” in the dictionary was like watching porn.
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Bonus Cute Picture: Lion Puppy
Kitty Vs. Dog Toy in an Epic Battle:
Kitty swears it’s a ninja 🙂 Pass along this battle of the wits to your Facebook page for instant likes, comments, and karma!