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Funny Status Updates:
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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. (Courtesy of our Funny Status Updates iPhone App ★★★★★)
- When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
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It doesn’t matter if you win or lose.. until you lose.
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Just when you think you’ve finally hit the bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.
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I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.
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A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.
- How is it that the women on Bridezillas can find someone to marry them while I can’t even get a date?
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People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
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To hate a person is a waste; half the people you hate don’t care, and the other half don’t know.
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A seafood diet is the best: whenever you see food, eat it.
- I hate it when people lie, especially when you know the truth about what they are lying about.
- I have a feeling these birds wouldn’t be so angry if we’d stop slingshotting them thru the air.
- Facebook: making stalkers life easier since February 2004
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Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
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Nudist Camp sign : Sorry, Clothed for Winter.
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I hate when I’m the only person trying to keep a conversation alive.
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I didn’t use to finish sentences, but now I
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Sex burns up 350 calories each time. Please help me, I’m on a diet.
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You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. (VIA:@FreeFunnyStuff )
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What do you call a male ladybug?
Just chillin’ outside the liquor store….
Bonus Funny Picture: Senior Picture Wins.
Baby eating strawberry for the first time…
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnnrIImACTU[/youtube]
How cute! Post that one on your Facebook wall and watch all the comments/likes roll in.
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