Hilarious Mid Week Laugh Attack

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Welcome back friends! Hope you’re having a great week. Hopefully you can ligthen up a friends week with these…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook:

People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App)
They used to be called Jumpolines until your mom bounced on one back in ’72.
New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.
I was shabby before it was chic.
Vegetarians maliciously starve animals by competing with them for the same food.
Due to flooding, my kid’s school is closed. Pffft. In my day, we swam to school–uphill–both ways.
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. that’s why most of the women put make up and most of the men lie.
NEVER try to self-diagnose online. Almost always ends up making you think you’re dying. WebMD should just be renamed “EnjoyYourCancer.com”. ツ ( “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily Funny Status Updates)
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re good. Fool me four times, WOW! Did you major in fooling?
If you do a Google Image search for the number ‘241543903’, you will find out why the human race is so fantastic.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
A friend is someone who will help you move. A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a dead body. (From our Twitter Account: @FreeFunnyStuff )