Good Monday to You!

Hope you had an awesome relaxing weekend, I know I did!  The bad news is, another Monday is upon us.  Laugh your way through it with these funny one liners…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook and Twitter:

  • Nothing goes right with me. I bought a new watch… shockproof and waterproof… It caught on fire.
  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App – Over 25k/users that average over 5+comments & likes per status update!)
  • I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
  • Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
  • Girls are like phones. They love to be held and talked to but if u press the wrong button … U will be disconnected!
  • Son, when I was your age, our video game controllers were hard wired to the console. And Mario had to walk uphill both ways to the castle. ツ (Want more like this one?  “Like” our Funny Status Update Fan Page for daily funny status updates)
  • If anyone can put the “i” in “Team” it’s Apple.
  • A woman knows she’s wearing the right dress, when her man wants to take it off.
  • I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem.
  • Whenever I flush a bug down the toilet, I have to watch and make sure it dosen’t come back, zombie style, with revenge in it’s tiny heart. (From @FreeFunnyStuff)
  • Only in America… do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Stepping in some water barefoot in the kitchen, not so bad. Stepping in some water with socks on, bloody catastrophic.

Funny Picture to Post:

Wish you could really use this feature 🙂

Funny Video to Post:


Hahaha, a classic scene in American cinema. Alrighty folks, thank you very much for stopping in!  Check back tomorrow for more hilarious status updates, pictures, and videos to post to your Facebook or Twitter.  Get more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.