The weekend is upon us but don’t blink because it’ll be gone before you know it. Make sure to share these with your FB friends because you’re going to get a ton of comments/likes this weekend! Get the laugh fest going with these…
Funny Status Updates for Facebook Feed:
- I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t get it has to comment and ruin it.
At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. (Courtesy of our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone/iPod App)
What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…” A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…”
Men always want to be a woman’s first love. Women have a more subtle instinct; what they like to be is a man’s last romance.
Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
- Don’t worry about biting off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger than you think. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
- Farting is your bum referring to itself in the turd person.
- If you love someone set them on fire. Did I get that right? Oh Noeezzz what have I done. It’s SET THEM FREE isn’t it? Sorry burning loved one.
- The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don’t check their phone for 3+ hours.
- Real frogs call him Kermit The Fraud.
Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can’t see that it says: This one had insurance. Don’t kill him. (VIA our Twitter Account: @FreeFunnyStuff )
- With a solid center surrounded by molten layers and a thin crust, the Earth sounds delicious.
- We have 171 friends in common and I still have no idea who the hell you are!
FYI: You know what? Besides being funny statuses, those also make super funny text messages!
Cool Picture for your Wall:
Check out this BONUS Funny picture! Hilarious 😉
Epic “Throw-Back” Video for your FB Page:
Diggin’ the McDonalds Shamrock shake? Apparently it’s 2nd only to the McRib as a seasonal favorite, you could even join the Facebook
Cult Fan Page.
Have a safe weekend and please join us Monday for more hilarious content. If you still need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post: “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus.