Epic Statuses for the Weekend!

The weekend is upon us but don’t blink because it’ll be gone before you know it.  Make sure to share these with your FB friends because you’re going to get a ton of comments/likes this weekend!  Get the laugh fest going with these…

Funny Status Updates for Facebook Feed:

  • I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t get it has to comment and ruin it.
  • At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. (Courtesy of our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone/iPod App)
  • What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…” A southern fairytale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…”
  • Men always want to be a woman’s first love. Women have a more subtle instinct; what they like to be is a man’s last romance.
  • Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
  • Don’t worry about biting off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger than you think. ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
  • Farting is your bum referring to itself in the turd person.
  • If you love someone set them on fire. Did I get that right? Oh Noeezzz what have I done. It’s SET THEM FREE isn’t it? Sorry burning loved one.
  • The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don’t check their phone for 3+ hours.
  • Real frogs call him Kermit The Fraud.
  • Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can’t see that it says: This one had insurance. Don’t kill him. (VIA our Twitter Account: @FreeFunnyStuff )
  • With a solid center surrounded by molten layers and a thin crust, the Earth sounds delicious.
  • We have 171 friends in common and I still have no idea who the hell you are!

FYI: You know what?  Besides being funny statuses, those also make super funny text messages!

Cool Picture for your Wall:

Check out this BONUS Funny picture!  Hilarious 😉

Epic “Throw-Back” Video for your FB Page:


Diggin’ the McDonalds Shamrock shake?  Apparently it’s 2nd only to the McRib as a seasonal favorite, you could even join the Facebook Cult Fan Page.

Have a safe weekend and please join us Monday for more hilarious content. If you still need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus.