Epic Status Updates for Facebook

Looking for new ways to make your Facebook friends laugh? You came to the right place amigo! Get all the comments and likes you so desperately crave by posting these…

Epic Statuses for Facebook:

  • The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse. (Courtesy of our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone/iPod App)
  • “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?
  • An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.
  • Freedom of speech is wonderful – right up there with the freedom not to listen.
  • My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
  • You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.
  • This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! ツ (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page)
  • I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.
  • A husband is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
  • When I watch MTV cribs I don’t feel bad about downloading music illegally.
  • Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
  • If you have to wake me up to ask to borrow something, the answer is no.
  • Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. (VIA our Tweeter:@FreeFunnyStuff )
  • If I could be any arithmetic operation, I’d be subtraction. I just want to make a difference.

Like Facebook Questions? Check out Voting Status. It’s like if Facebook Questions and the Like button had a baby.

Really Cool Picture to Post:

Epic Ant

That is one EPIC Ant!

Awesome Video for your Facebook Profile:


Well done Skittles, you had me at Kitty Video 🙂

Bonus funny Video: That awkward moment when you find your loved one hasn’t seen Star Wars.

If you still need more funny status updates, pics, and videos to post:  “Like” our FB Fan PageDownload our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App and visit our new sister website WittyStatus where you can submit statuses and vote on them!