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Witty Facebook Status Updates
- Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
- The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
- Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
- I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
- The worst thing you can do for somebody is something they should be doing for themselves.
- It doesn’t matter if the glass is half full or half empty… it’s clearly almost time to order another drink.
- Dear iTunes and Adobe, Would it not be more time efficient to just tell us when you are NOT updating?
- I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
- If I can hear you chewing, even with your mouth closed, I hate you.
- Unless you can explain how you know me in three words or less, Facebook Friend Request: DENIED.
- You call it lazy, But I call it selective participation.
- “Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
- I wish one of the walls in my bedroom was a giant Lite-Brite
- If you think you have me figured out, that’s hilarious because I don’t even have myself figured out.
- It’s nice when someone can reply to your sarcasm with sarcasm instead of just getting offended.
- Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
- I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
- I just ate a ton of Chinese food. I can hardly wok now.
- My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
- Hand sanitizer is the best way to find invisible cuts on your hands.
Welcome to the FriendZone:
Doesn’t get much worse than that! Poor bloke 🙁 Share on Facebook for some instant sympathy or hilarious comments… probably both.
Hamster Misses Gear Shift… (Explicit Language)
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDrpPqsXfVU[/youtube]
Something about little hamsters that makes you just want to watch them for hours. This adorable video was no exception… can easily watch it a dozen times! Share it with your friends before it goes uber-viral.
Lots more status updates, funny pictures, and videos… On our Fan Page & Download our 4.5-star Rated iPhone App.
