Banana Kid, Bow-Tie Cat, & Witty Status Posts

Weekend in review on Facebook…

Top 20 Witty Status Posts:

1. Fact: zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
2. No one is more judgmental than a waitress questioning if you’ve saved room for dessert.
3. You say “I’m sorry,” I hear “I surrender.”
4. Don’t send me a 😉 face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
5. I’ve made some mistakes I wish I could make again.
6. The uncleanliness and poor design of the Urinal is easily realized the first time you use one wearing shorts and flip flops.
7. I once bought shoes in China that said “made around the corner”
8. I smile politely when someone bumps into me while texting on their phone because I respect their right to ignore the world.
9. I’d be a much happier person if all my interactions involved puppies instead of humans.
10. Facebook is the best way to prove that you made the right decision when you broke up with that person you dated in high school.
11. If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.
12. The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
13. The absolute best way to get revenge is to sit back and watch while people destroy their own lives just by being themselves.
14. Practicing random acts of kindness at the mall. Like holding doors open. Then tripping anyone who doesn’t thank me.
15. If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
16. Got a paper cut and didn’t cry this time, damn it feels good to be a gangsta.
17. One time I typed “LOL” when I didn’t actually laugh out loud. God, it feels so good to admit that. I was sick of living a lie.
18. LIKE if you remember TRL.
19. Remember if you ever get mugged, don’t yell “Help.” Yell, “Oh my god! It’s Justin Bieber!”
20. Yeah, keep holding on to all those single socks for a few more years. I’m sure you’ll find the other one.

Yesterdays Status Updates… | iPhone App | Android App

Teh Bow-Tie Kittehhhh…

Nothing like a dapper kitten to make your day. Perhaps this kitty could also make your friends weekends? Share!

Can You Say Banana?

That video must be watched more than once. It’s irresistibly cute! And, if you can’t resist LIKEs then post to your newsfeed 🙂