Adorable Puppy, Tangled Surprise, & Clever Status Updates

More likes per status, share these…

20 Clever Facebook Statuses:

  1. I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
  2. Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
  3. If Facebook is conflicting with your real life relationships then it’s time to take a break. We need your full commitment over here.
  4. I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.
  5. I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
  6. I wish my phone would stop correcting ‘omg’ to ‘OMG’, I’m not that shocked.
  7. This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
  8. Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
  9. Don’t act like you never waddled across the house to get a new roll of toilet paper with your pants around your ankles.
  10. Some people are like clouds. Once they bug off, it’s a beautiful day.
  11. I would never buy a car that runs on hemp because I have friends that run on hemp. I’m just guessing that the car would be pretty unreliable.
  12. It’s hard to live the dream when I keep waking up.
  13. At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was crushed to death.
  14. That awkward moment when your ex is dating someone who looks just like you.
  15. The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock against the wall in the morning is the fact that it’s also my cellphone.
  16. One of my goals in life, is to never drop my phone in the toilet.
  17. I would punch people a lot more if it made the loud noises it did in the movies.
  18. For each like, I’ll take a shot on New Years…
  19. It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
  20. Birthdays then- ‘Wow! Look at all these presents!’ Birthdays now- ‘Wow! Look at all these notifications!’

Yesterdays Status Updates… | iPhone App | Android App

What are you doing home so early???

Surprised Kitty

Surprise! Post to your Facebook for instant likes, comments, and karma.

Puppies First Christmas:

That is what is known as a heart melter. I can now die happy 🙂 TOO CUTE! Share now!

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