Self Portraits, Silly Statuses, Wake Up Lady!

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Pigeon to Picasso

bird-self-portrait

Talk about good aim!

20 Silly Statuses:

  1. I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
  1. I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
  1. If you ever get caught sleeping on the job… slowly raise your head and say “in jesus name amen”
  1. Do headphones just tie themselves in knots while we’re not looking?
  1. “Username or Password Incorrect” You couldn’t just tell me which one?
  1. Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
  1. My least favorite thing about babies is how they don’t understand it’s the weekend.
  1. Your secrets are safe with me, I wasn’t even listening to you.
  1. those fake living rooms at IKEA should have a couple in them trying to assemble IKEA furniture and fighting
  1. No matter how loud car alarms are, cars never seem to wake up.
  1. I wonder if Woody and Buzz have ever met any of Andy’s Mom’s toys. They probably have the same names.
  1. I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be “Nobody” so when I see stupid crap people post, I can “Like” it. And it will say “Nobody Likes This”
  1. Next time I’m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I’m going to turn around and say, “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here.”
  1. When you don’t remember someones name, you wait for someone else to say it so you can pretend like you knew it all along.
  1. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool
  1. I regret every fart I ever held in for you.
  1. When I watch MTV cribs I don’t feel bad about downloading music illegally.
  1. By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass
  1. At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture.
  1. We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like, for example: “I’m bored, lets go brush your teeth!”

Funny Pics | Gifs | VideosYesterdays Status Updates

Wake Up Lady!

This little old lady didn’t need any help crossing the street! She sure showed him.

Lots more status updates, funny pictures, and video, on our Fan Page.