This Is Me Thinking About Thanksgiving

this is me thinking about thanksgiving meme

Seriously though..

20 Funny Statuses:

  1. Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.
  2. In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
  3. I’m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
  4. No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
  5. I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
  6. The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
  7. The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far.
  8. I’m not the friend you put on speaker phone.
  9. “Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
  10. If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
  11. Who named the walkie talkie and why isn’t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
  12. I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
  13. I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
  14. Swearing: because sometimes “golly gee” and “meany” just don’t cut it.
  15. Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? “It’s open.”
  16. I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
  17. My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
  18. I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
  19. Why do they ask you “Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who’s accent is so thick you can’t understand them?
  20. How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?

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Party Noisemakers In A Exhaust Pipe

Do not try this at home…

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