This Is Me Thinking About Thanksgiving
20 Funny Statuses:
- Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.
- In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
- I’m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
- No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
- I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
- The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
- The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far.
- I’m not the friend you put on speaker phone.
- “Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
- If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
- Who named the walkie talkie and why isn’t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
- I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
- I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
- Swearing: because sometimes “golly gee” and “meany” just don’t cut it.
- Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? “It’s open.”
- I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
- My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
- I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
- Why do they ask you “Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who’s accent is so thick you can’t understand them?
- How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
Party Noisemakers In A Exhaust Pipe
Do not try this at home…
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