Good News, 20 Statuses, Swiper No Swiping

so good news i saw a dog today

Trying to make small talk..

20 Funny Status:

  1. People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
  2. There’s no such thing as too old for Disney.
  3. Time for a box o’ wine and a crazy straw
  4. my life is falling apart faster than a nature valley granola bar
  5. I love it when people compliment my hair like thank you I grew it myself
  6. Can you illegally download sleep
  7. people who randomly compliment you on something you are insecure about are the nicest kind of people
  8. 50 shades of dark circles under my eyes
  9. Do you ever wake up from an amazing dream, and try to go back to sleep hoping theres gonna be a sequal
  10. Probably gonna marry the Wi-Fi for how often it goes down on me.
  11. Damn, girl, are you Terms and Conditions? Because I just want to blindly agree to whatever you say.
  12. Got a twelve inch sub. Going to eat the first half now and save the second half for dinner oops already ate the entire thing.
  13. Someone should make a kind of pizza where the toppings are just really tiny pizzas.
  14. Ah, Facebook Mobile…or as i like to call it, “WALK ‘N STALK.”
  15. Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
  16. Got a mosquito bite last night. Bet that little guy is hungover today.
  17. Why do people expect me to go to work EVERY week?
  18. I’d love to walk into this closet and end up in Narnia right now.
  19. I hate spiders. But I’m always thankful that they can’t fly.
  20. I love you most when you let me sleep in.

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