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Top 20 Funny Status Updates for Facebook:
- I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies and the wall gets in my way.
- If your not passionate about what you do, then there is no point of doing it at all.
- The worst thing about insomnia is dealing with the extra hours of reality.
- I hate it when, I plan a conversation in my head, but the other person doesn’t follow the script.
- I can’t stop drinking about you.
- I wish someone would invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
- I see flies everywhere but the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
- Fellas, if she doesn’t kiss you by the 4th date she’s only in it for the free food.
- When I was little, I used to sing in the shower. Now? I make life decisions in there.
- The only time my karate lessons have came in handy is when I need to kick a public restroom door open.
- Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
- If you leave without a reason, don’t bother coming back with an excuse.
- If you ever think your invention idea is stupid and won’t make money, simply remember how many people bought a Snuggie.
- You’d be surprised at all of the “that’s what she said” jokes you can make if you watch 5 minutes of a little kids show.
- Car dealerships: it doesn’t matter how many balloons you put on the cars, I’m not going to randomly decide to pull in and buy one.
- Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.
- Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
- The longer I sit in a drive-thru, the more pennies I’m gonna pay with.
- Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
- I asked the lady from the collection agency out on a date. She turned me down, but keeps calling. I told her I’m too old for games.
He just can’t wait to be king. oh, wrong movie… Prince Ali 🙂 If your friends can take a joke, then feel free to share with them.
A Car does a BACKFLIP:
Bravo, well done! It’s pretty amazing that a car doing a backflip is almost normal these days. Luckily, it’s not quite normal yet… so feel free to share this one on your Facebook for instant laughs and LIKEs galore.