Andy’s Coming, 20 Funny Statuses, Kung Fu Patty Cake

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Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn’t find anyone to copy it from.
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
He who laughs last didn’t get it.
Note – The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I’ve used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
If they say good looks could kill, then please don’t look at me! I don’t wanna see you die!
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe.
If a tree falls in the woods… Do all the other trees laugh at it?
Sorry, I cannot make it because there is a power failure. I am stuck on the escalator.
Is there another word for synonym?
It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.
Nice perfume… but do you really need to marinate in it?
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Sorry, I am having an out of money-experience.
Wonders why the frisbee is getting bigger… and then it hits me.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.