12 Awesome Statuses for Tuesday

Tuesday doesn’t have to suck!  Make Tuesday suck less by posting these…

Funny Statuses for Tuesday:

  1. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said. (From our 4.5-star Rated Funny Status Updates iPhone App)
  2. If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
  3. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a pretty good excuse.
  4. The only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom.
  5. It’s tough to lose weight when you’re older. By then, your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
  6. “Want to get a drink?” “Later:” “How about now?” “Later.” “Now?” “Later.” “Now?” –If the Windows Auto Updates pop up was your friend.
  7. “God I wish I was riding a dinosaur right now.” – My brain, circa now.
  8. She was at the VMA’s covered in meat. Now she’s at the Grammys dressed as an egg. Two more red carpets and Lady Gaga will be a Denny’s Grand Slam. ツ ( VIA our Funny Status Update Fan Page)
  9. I nicknamed my urethra, Franklin.
  10. Even Popeye didn’t eat his spinach until he absolutely had to.
  11. If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.
  12. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg. (VIA our Twitter Account: @FreeFunnyStuff )

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Funny Picture to Post:

Haha, classic!

Funny Video to Post:


OK, that guy might be a Robot for real.

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