Worst Status Updates of All Time

The Top 10 Worst Status Updates of All Time

It’s awful having to sort through irrelevant, unfunny, attention-spawning status updates just to get to the good stuff like who’s dating who, and the plastic surgery that went crazy-wrong.

Not that you’ve been guilty of it, wink wink, but many Facebookers are at fault for chocking up the worst status updates of all time. In order of annoyance:

1. “Can’t read my, can’t read my, no he can’t read my Poker face…”

Honestly? Is that even necessary, Ms. Pop Princess? We all have those friends – you know which ones – the music specialists? The pop kings and queens? Perhaps even the rap emcees out there who think it’s an act of genius to post music as their status. It’s tough imagining someone typing up a song lyric as their status update, posting it, and thinking it’s cool.

2. The Passive Aggressor

Isn’t it fun seeing someone take their psychological dismay out on Facebook? The passive-aggressive types think it’s a great idea posting a little dig on Facebook. But what’s funny is them actually thinking the object of that aggression is going to read it. Nope.

3. TMI – Too Much Information

Oh yes, the status updates about one’s gynecological problems, financial troubles, husband’s baby mama drama, bad debts, and the like are probably TMI even for your closest friends. No really, it’s true. And plus, how many Facebookers actually keep their list to close friends only? Do you really want your co-worker Debbie knowing about your “irregular bowel movements”?

4. Too Cool for School

You may be a whiz at ColdFusion, but most of your friends probably aren’t, so posting your amazing C++ creation isn’t going to jive with your friends. You may look cool to your technical friends, but the rest are probably chuckling at your expense. Save the fun techy lingo for a night out with the geeks!

5. The one uppers

Okay, so you’ve scored a date with James Franco, need to buy new jeans because your size 0s are “too loose,” ate at newest restaurant downtown (that has reservations 3 months out), and hired a personal sushi chef. Whoopee.

6. The annoying teaser

Posting something ambiguous like, “Guess what just happened!” is kind of like asking which hand the rubber ball is in behind your back. A little childish, a little fun – but still annoying on the side of desperate. Oops, yeah we said it!

7. One word update

Tired. Hungry. Bored. Yeah. We. Get. It…yawn.

8. The…

So, wait, are you asking, telling, saying – what’s really going on here? Was there a typo? Don’t get it. So wait, what?

9. Mr. Marketer

“Hey! Check out this cool website!” is a common Facebook standard. We see it all the time. That’s cool if you’re just Joe Schmo posting to John Doe’s wall. But the constant marketing from certain companies is a buzz-kill. Don’t choke the golden goose.

10. Story status updates

Alright, these are exhausting. It’s the friend who just purchased her new computer. But wait, now the manual is missing. OK! Neat, found the manual! Just powered it up, wondering how to upload new software? Just uploaded new software, yay for Microsoft Word! Hey, does anyone know where to find the product registration key? Honestly – no one cares.


Bonus Annoying Status Updates:

We would like to add the following annoying things about your facebook update:

1. We don’t want to hear about your new pet puppy. Good luck with him shitting all over the place.

2. Sucks you two broke up – keep it to yourself and get over it already.

3. Congrats on your vacation but there is no need to rub it in my face that everyone isn’t in hawaii.

A tribute in song to the worst status updates of all time: