From this week on Facebook..
Top 20 Status Updates:
- No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch.
- Accidentally downloaded the clean version of a song and now my day is ruined.
- Hispanic magician: “I will disappear on the count of three. Ready? Uno, dos” *poof* And just like that he vanished without a tres
- I’ll stop wearing black when they create a darker color.
- My light at the end of the tunnel is the fridge light at 2 am.
- There is some person at Google who’s only job is to figure out what the GoogleDoodle will be for the day.
- Me every time I eat: this is why I’m fat
- I love when strangers smile at me and I smile back and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.
- When you accidentally open a message and now you have to reply.
- Boyfri(end). Girlfri(end). Piz(forever)za.
- Broccoli: “I look like a tree.” Walnut: “I look like a brain.” Mushroom: “I look like a umbrella.” Banana: “I don’t like this game.”
- My favorite part in Pretty Woman is her joy when he agrees to pay $3,000 for 6 days, effectively lowering her rate from $100/hr to $21/hr
- Sometimes, I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them.
- Like a good neighbor State Farm and I haven’t ever spoken.
- Whenever my phone rings I’m like “omg! Why is this happening to me!”
- Don’t worry about the grass on the other side. It’s not your grass.
- One man built a lavish castle to keep her, the other man would burn the kingdom down to get to her.
- Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
- It was only after the other brothers of The Jackson 5 refused to let him join that little Samuel L. Jackson first became angry.
- Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
But, what if I wear it someday??
Haha, I think pretty much everyone can relate to that one.
Gopher problems solved:
LOL! Can someone please verify if this works? It’s too absurd to not work.
Lots more status updates, funny pictures, and video, on our Fan Page.